8:111) Red 02-FEB-98 15:51

I'm almost sorry...sorry for what I did. It was wrong to bring the fight into public...he tells me he dispises me now. Hates me because I embarassed him. Because no one likes him now, because I told. Cause I said why I was unhappy. Why it hadn't worked...I didn't use his name. I never told anyone who he was. I didn't do anything wrong... But I was baiting him the whole time. Hoping to hit a nerve. To make him angry, to make him hurt like I do.

And how would you react to someone emailing you and telling you, through a machine, that you were a mistake. He loved someone else and that everything that had happened had been a bad call. Funny, he seemed to enjoy himself at the time.

I almost feel like crying, but I won't...I can't. Not for him. I can't feel bad. I had reasons. I was justified. There are a thousand and one terrible things I could do, to ruin his life right now, much worse than having a dew people email him and tell him what an asshole he is...

And he deserves it. So many lies, all of which I swallowed obidiently, so as not to upset him, are being wretched up. So many of the things he did justify everything I did. He dispises me, he was embarassed...

so why do I feel so sad?