8:116) chris abraham 03-FEB-98 10:08

sleep comes to me, under the feather duvet, in waves. the athletics of my early evenings make my body tired, allows me showers in the evening. the tight slender forms around me, running on the tread mill, pedaling on the stationary bikes. cnn on the monitors around the room, captions for the running impaired. despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage. the heady smell of body. the stark form of body under thin fabrics: lycra, cotton, jogbra, muscle t's, shorts, ankle socks. calves flash, flesh grinds against the machines, the weights. pulling hard at the catch, the concept ii rowing ergometer. pulling while watching the soft white hamstrings of a redhead on the stairmaster. the translucent skin starts on each step. there are people with discmen, there are people watching the news, money line. there are people lifting hundreds of pounds of weight for no other reason besides because. in emulation of the greeks, in emulation of the romans. gymnasium. ad nauseum. in bed, the clacking of steam through floor vents. the miniblinds closed to the street light blinking in the alleyway. a smile on my face from the voice of the petite woman who wants to share my bed, my life.

how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop?

the duvet, the maroon cover, the pale blue fitted sheet. the bottle of evian by my bed. the copy of aureole, by carole maso, dog-eared on the night stand. the slight smell of chris having returned to the gym, the odor of chris reclaiming his body. bringing together the divergant team of mind and body.

the blue kayay. the red girl. the careful boy. the autralian pilgrim. a land rejecting a queen. a california covered in H2O. a boy, el nino -- the child. a washington. a petite woman with heavy black hair, with a smooth belly, with a curved flank, with a downy touch, with a past and a desire for a future.

"Quis custodiet ipsos custodies?" "I'm almost sorry...sorry for what I did."

I always sleep for an extra 5 minutes

"so why do I feel so sad?"