8:132) Katherine Blanke (KAT) 10-FEB-98 23:40

the rain came today...little tears, little aches and little wishes from the sky that no one ever used...they make me think...they make me feel...i don't feel. deep down in the caverns of me, whoever she is, this nameless being i inhabit, i feel a hole. i feel a road underneath my feet as i walk to school, to class, to the car, to the parking lot, to the bathroom, to sleep, but it's taking me somewhere else, somewhere i cannot imagine.

once i am there, if i ever arrive, will i have all the answers to my questions? will everything be worth it? will life regain the meaning i thought it had? or will it return to being the everyday sort of thing that just appears now and then? oh, i forgot-that's life.

maybe i will break free from this illusion. nothing can happen to me...i'll be fine...i'll graduate, i'll get the marks, go to the college, become...something...i'm invincible-i'm eighteen...maybe i'll finally realize that eighteen doesn't equal invincible...say, when i'm 28.

oh, how i have missed.

@!KAT